Dark Majesty's Archives
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Date:01-05-2010 11:36 A
Subject:The Forgotten Code
Mood: exhausted

According to my LJ homepage it's been some 46 weeks since I last posted. It's been some time then, so if I'm a bit rusty you'll have to bear with me. Add to that the fact that I'm so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open. But i've been thinking about this alot of late. It comes up again and again recently. And every time I hear about this stuff I turn it over in my mind, wondering why some things are never spoken of out loud. As human beings why can we not express some things, even to those whom we are closest? What keeps us from being honest with each other? Or what makes us TOO honest sometimes? What causes us to speak of things best left unsaid knowing full well what consequences likely follow?

I have come to think that Loyalty, Fidelity, and Tact have become forgotten concepts in this day and age.

I'm sure you wouldn't have to look too far back into your own past to find an instance that backs up that previous statement. It's my opinion, sure. Could it be wrong? Certainly. I'm not perfect, no one is. So it could be wrong. But it IS how I see things lately. I am a person who learns by watching and listening as much as I can from reading. I can only learn so much from reading without the other two being possible. So whereas I like to learn about the Spartans or Genghis Khan . . . as I cannot observe them, I cannot really know them. But people? I observe them all the time. You could, in fact, say that it is my greatest hobby: Peoplewatching. Now take my job for instance. The place is a damn meatmarket. My coworkers (even the married or committed ones) collect lovers like others collect stamps or coins. When asked, they will go on and on about how they "love" their spouse, all the while sizing up the people around them like beef. I avoid the place if at all possible. How many people these days get divorced about shit like that? How many really care? What happened to the days when people looked forward to growing old with someone? Doesn't this make anyone else sick to thier stomachs other than me? Dammit! Is it so hard to keep a marriage going that most people just don't even try anymore? I don't think so. I think that in most adults these days Fear has become stronger than Fidelity or Loyalty. And so they let themselves be ruled by their Fear. They just dress it up as other things, more socially acceptable things: lust, avarice, substance abuse, zealous faith, and over-played sexual identities. You know any super macho types? Guys that can't help but brag on and on about how much ass they kick or how many women they've had? Fear. You see what I mean.

But it's more than just marriage, isn't it? It's all relationships big or small. How many people do you know now? How many of those can you truly say you're close to? How many of them would you trust with a knife to your back? I could tell you my number. But I bet it would shock you. It's much lower than you might think. And I include family in this too. I find it hard to trust people these days. It seems like all interaction is becoming akin to the Roman Senate. Everyone is their own personal Ceasar, and all of them are looking out for Number One. Backstabbing and political maneuvering have become commonplace in these so-called "civilized" times. I can count on one hand the people to whom I utter a single word to In Confidence. And some of what I think gets spoken to even fewer. This wisdom has been hard won, and all of it learned the hard way over many years of petty wrangling. Now I treat my mind as a kind of museum. Entrance is by invitation only, and my guest list is very exclusive. If I let you in it's because I trust you to not take pictures to share with others, or to pirate the images I hold dear. I miss the days when such things were not necessary, but this is what it must be now. For my sanity . . . and sometimes for the sanity of those around me. My thoughts can be violent, or hurtful, biased, sometimes Elitist, often borderline nutty. Not everything that I mention deserves to be broadcast. And I know others that share this mentality. I'm in good company here.

Another thing: I hate having my little musings or odd coments being picked apart. Sometimes just flat out blasted by someone else's arrogant belief that I am well and truly wrong. You know what? Maybe I am. But so are YOU for talking down to me about it instead of discussing it with me. I will no longer let that nonsense happen again. Be warned. Talk to me like a child, and I will roast you alive with my rage like Dragonfire. If you want to have an honest discussion with me that's fine. I LOVE a good discussion. All I ask for is respect. Just the same as anyone would want.

There, now I have said what was on my mind. Take it any way you want to.

Offer Your Blood

Date:02-15-2009 12:58 A
Subject:Unlucky 13
Mood: pissed off

Now, if you liked that heap of shit they passed off as a "Friday the 13th" movie, I suggest you stop reading right now. Everything I'm about to write will undoubtably piss you off. But I am going to write it anyways. Deal with it.

Why? Why remake a movie to do not only NOTHING new with it, but to botch it? There was literally zero reasons to remake/reboot this series if you were only going to do something you could have done in yet another useless sequel. Which is, in essence, what this was. Leave out the scene of him finding the damn mask and instead give it to him from the beginning and it wasn't a reboot at all. But I digress. Yes, the nudity was nice. But I can watch any number of movies that were made especially for that purpose. And those movies would show more of it. This movie did literally less for this franchise than Jason X. And that movie was horrible in ways that should have fried the minds of those who actually paid to see it. (To this day I'm amazed it didn't.) They didn't savor the kills, they rushed them. They gave us no reason to not want to see any one of these people dead. In fact, they went out of their way to make damn sure we wanted them dead, which in a way kills the suspense. You're waiting for the kill . . . which then, as previously stated was rushed, and you're let down every time. But that was not what pissed me off most. Oh no.

Why could Jason not kill the girl's brother? Why is it that ONE GUY managed time and again to go face-to-mask with this monster and walk away unscathed every single time? Not only does he live, but no matter what nastiness happens to him he is NEVER injured. Face first through a window? Not a single cut. Smashed against walls? No blood, no bruises. Slammed in the face with a huge piece of wood? Not so much as a fat fucking lip. Who was this guy, the Terminator?! Seriously! He killed everyone else within seconds but this ONE GUY was immune? Why? And by the way . . . since when does he take prisoners? I felt like all of a sudden I was watching Halloween again and maybe this chick was his sister or something. But no! It was because she reminded him of his mother! Ohhhhhhhh. Right. He was smart enough to steal Kerosene to work a generator he had no business knowing how to use being that he was a child when he was orphaned so that he could keep all the power working at this place, he could rig alarms that would make a goddamn Ninja proud . . . but he couldn't tell that the redhead piece of ass that was younger than he was WASN'T HIS DAMN MOTHER?! Give me a fucking break!

No more remakes. I'm writing them off now. Maybe when they hit TV, but I will never pay to see one in the theater EVER AGAIN.

Eat me, Michael Bay.

Offer Your Blood

Date:01-25-2009 3:03 P
Subject:Spiderpig is code for Satan! BEELZEBUB!
Mood: annoyed

You know, I am seriously beginning to think that religious zealots should be fed to lions again. Not just Christians. All of 'em. I am SO tired of being forced to live by their standards. It's everywhere. But still in all it happens to be the jesus freaks that piss me off most. Why? The US President still has to swear in on a bible. Everything closes early on Sundays because of religion. The IMDb boards have a 3 page long post on people claiming that Matt Groening, the creator of the Simpsons is a Satanist and that they will stop watching because of that. Seriously.

What the FUCK is satanic about the Simpsons? Honestly, the man could worship Mooby Burger, what difference does it make so long as he's not trying to convert you through his show? And even if he is . . . aren't YOU doing the same thing if you preach against him and try to get others to follow you? Come to think of it, the only religion that HASN'T tried to convert me at some point or another is Satanism. And right now that's a HUGE plus in my book. But I don't do organized religion. I prefer to think for myself. To believe in myself.

Lately it's beginning to piss me off how many times I am told that I am wrong for not believing what other people do. I think, honestly and truly, that the only wrong thing is trying to force another free-thinking human being to follow your way of doing things. To follow your ideals. If you do that, then in my opinion you're nothing more than a petty tyrant in your own right.

I'm not trying to convert anyone with my ideas, by the by. I don't care what religion you follow, or how you eat, or what your sexual preference is. I don't care what direction you pray in, or if you go skyclad by the full moon. I deal in people, one at a time. Who you are is SO much more important to me than what you follow or how you do it.

Offer Your Blood

Date:01-12-2009 12:18 P
Mood: enraged

Alright, by now all of you who read my journal regularly know what's about to happen. For those who don't I'll give a little tip: I don't care for organized religion telling others how to run their lives. Moreover, I HATE organized religion telling people how to raise their children. And more than that? I hate them shitting on my childhood in specific. So this could be a bit of a rant. Just a bit.

So last night we all went to Grindhouse as is normal for a sunday. Action Hank had a few really good movieas lined up for us as usual . . . but first, we got to watch a very informative interview by Gary Greenwald. And by "informative" I mean wholly inflamatory, completely outlandish, and full of good ol' grade "a" 100% christian mumbo jumbo. ohhh this stuff was PRIME RIB, baby. Adam Style! I walked in a bit late. But just on time to begin my ranting. You see, this piece of rotting pig shit was filmed back in the early '80s. The time when I was really just finding my way in the world. I watched ALOT of TV as most kids do. And what was my favorite show EVER? Come on, I can hear you saying right along with me. Yes, He-Man! Gods who didn't love the Masters of the Universe? What an awesome show. You know who didn't like it? Gary fuckwad Greenwald and his buddy Phil fucking Phillips. Firstly, what kind of psycho parents name their kid Phil when his last name is Phillips? Dear lord, people! You want to know why this nerd grew up with so much rage? I bet you already do. Anyways, Phil and Gary, in their infinite enlightenment, decide that He-Man is EVIL. He calls upon the power of Satan to get his might and casts spells on the minds and souls of children.


Did either of them even once watch the damn show? Holy shit what an outlandish claim! They came up with this theory apparently because of the fact he calls on something other than Jesus for aid. You know what? I wouldn't call Jesus for cab fare if I was stranded in downtown Bagdhad wearing a sign that says "Taliban SUCK." but He-Man is not the only target for them oh no. Skeletor, according to Phil and Gary once again, is an obvious allusion to Satan himself. Right. Somehow they expect a show, even a cartoon based on good and evil and teaching kids about heroes, should have no villain. Well that what would He-Man DO for half an hour exactly? Read the bible while flexing? And not just He-Man suffers, nor Skeletor either my friends! Oh no sir! Mum-Ra, Cobra Commander, Venger from the old D&D cartoon, Megatron, and Papa fucking Smurf are all allegories for Lucifer. That's right, they bashed the SMURFS. According to Phil, who somehow thought this theory up while shitting out his brains and then lighly braising and feeding them to his dog, because they are blue skinned the Smurfs are representing dead people. And because they have no women, they're obviously all gay. So all in all, Smurf Village is home to many undead homosexuals. Is that your brain I hear screaming? Good, now you know how I felt last night.

All the Satan slinging I can deal with. Any uber christian will see The Devil in anything remotely bad. That doesn't so much bother me. What DID bother me was that immediately anything not christian was also evil. Martial Arts, Egyptians, bugs, robots, She-Ra, My Little Pony, Carebears, Rainbow Bright, D&D, The Force, guiding spirits, old people, dead people, Hindus. HINDUS! When has a hindu EVER done anything Evil? What, they are friendly so they must be an agent of the Devil? They even went so far as to say that, and I LOVE this part, Darth Vader is quite obviously Odin, the Norse God. WHAT?! How do you come by that? How, ever, in a million fucking years to you reach such a far-out conclusion?! And then . . . THEN . . . they go on to say that Odin was EVIL!


There's just so much. Too much, in fact for me to cover every part of this puke-inducing vomitfest that made me want to tear my eyes out. So I'll recap for you on my way out. The Carebears teach kids to tell their problems to the bears instead of their parents or (ugh) their priest and then use the pagan power of the Carebear Stare to solve the problems, therefore usurping the power of god. My Little Pony is using pagan imagery to dazzle children and steal their souls. Papa Smurf regularly called out the name "Beelzebub" on the Smurfs. Martial Arts are a cult orgainization that brainwashes people. (Hey I didn't know catholics started Kung Fu! *snicker*) All stars are pentagrams and thus a symbol of Satan. So anyone wearing stars is a Satanist and any show in space pays homage to the Devil. Right. Any show depicting the dead communicating with the living is Necromancy and that's evil. But talking to jesus who's been dead for over 2,000 years is A-OK! The Sectaurs, a cartoon in which warriors ride on bugs and do battle for the fate of their world, is straight out of Revelations. I tell you right now if you ever . . . . . EEEEEEEEVER . . . . find anything in Revelations about men riding giant bugs I will eat the entire book. And I won't even use ketchup. All aliens, goblins, tiny green Jedi Masters, non-human creatures, goats, robots, horses, rainbows, and other religions are direct references to Satan.

Now after all that I have to say that the worst these cartoons can be truly blamed of is being half-hour toy commercials. They were trying to sell things to little kids. And they WORKED. So in the end, what good ol' Gary and Phil were demonizing was commercialism, right? So what was the purpose of this whole long interview? Why, to sell their tapes on how to keep Satan out of the lives of your children! BUY OUR TAPES, AND GOD WILL LOVE YOU! Fuck you, Gary. And that goes double for you Phil. You hypocritical, judgemental, sanctomonious pricks.

Hear me, brothers and sisters, and rejoice! Satan doesn't do commercials, ok? He doesn't need to. You church fuckers are his best advertisers ever. Why pay someone to do something for him when you bastards have been doing it for free for 2 millenia? They only thing on that show last night that was glorifying Satan . . .

. . . was Gary and Phil.

2 Offerings | Offer Your Blood

Date:12-08-2008 11:37 A
Subject:There will be Blood
Mood: determined

You know, I have begun to wonder if I am too permissive of people that I call (Or called, as past tense applies in this as well) my friends. Sometimes I allow them way too much leeway in things they say or do that hurt me. I forgive easily because of my own past as someone that hurt with my words and deeds indiscrimanatly. But now I wonder if by allowing them this berth if I have enabled, or even encouraged, some to take it too far. Perhaps I need to step back and take a long deep breath and truly investigate why I allow myself to be hurt. Now mind you, this is not ALL of the people I call (called) my friends. I know a few who have always been there for me, even during those dark times of my life where I was an asshole to just about everyone. But recently, I noticed this disturbing trend. And sometimes the things that happen are hurtful to a point that makes me wonder why I would associate myself with such people. And so, I have decided that from now on I will simply have to make my feelings known. Forcibly if necessary. And so I have decided to post this here first. Sort of "fair warning" I guess. Over the last two days I have gone through every emotion from overjoyed to enraged, and in looking back I see where all my negativity came from. If I don't put a stop to it, I will only fall victim to it again. And that is no longer allowed.

I have fought hard to get to a point in my life where I actually like myself. It was not an easy road, and not one I like to see belittled by some nitwit who thinks things I do or things I like are fit for ridicule. Or who thinks I do not live up to their standards. Or who thinks I am ignorant, and that they are omniscient. Bullshit. We're all meat with legs, people. No one here is better than anyone else. We will all go through the exact same biological processes that start at birth and lead, inevitably, to death. Your shit, so to speak, doesn't stink any less than mine. Got me?

So here's my mission statement: I vow to give back what I get from now on. I will visit kindness with kindness and fire with fire. I hope to never have to truly throw down with someone, but I will if I feel it necessary. I'm tired of just letting things roll off my back. That only seems to lead to heavier shit on my back. So if I feel like someone is trying to talk down to me, or mock me, or hurt me I will strike without remorse. Fair warning has been given. After this, there will be blood.

Any questions?

Offer Your Blood

Date:10-02-2008 7:06 P
Subject:Bunnies are hard work!
Mood: determined

Let me put this out there right now: don't buy a baby Bunny for Easter if you don't plan on working your ass off for it. Some people believe that all they need is a 2' by 2' cage and some lettuce and they're A-OK. Bullshit. A Rabbit is work, daily. It's really worth it for that kind of 24/7 cuteness in your life, but make no mistake it's WORK.

Let's see: Clean litterbox daily. No kitty litter it's poison to Bunnies. Need pelleted paper litter covered with timothy hay. They hay is the same stuff they munch on everyday, and they like to munch while they poop apparently. Need to give them fresh water daily. Water can develop bacteria by sitting too long, and said bacteria can kill Bunnies. Need hay and veggies daily. Specific veggies too. Regular lettuce? Useless. Need timothy hay, carrots, parsely, and the occasional fruit. There's a list of what they can and cannot eat. Follow it, and closely. Some Bunnies are picky and won't eat certain things. Star won't touch celery or mint so far. Our list grows. Bunnies need affection and excersise EVERY DAY. They must be let out of their cage to run and jump and do Bunny things. They have to have companionship or they can get lonely and waste away. Remember, they are social animals and only thrive in groups. If you have only one Bunny YOU are it's group. Deal with it. They have to be cleaned sometimes, but you cannot bathe them. They can swim but only do so in nature to escape from predators. Water = Fear, Fear = Possible Death. So you must wipe the bunny down every so often. Mostly, they keep clean very well on their own. No biggie. And keeping one outside is BAD. Seriously. BAD. All manner of nasty things can befall an outdoor Rabbit. Keep them inside or not at all. For their sake if nothing else.

There's more. Alot, really. But if you keep on top of things, it's all a simple process you can work down to a fine science. "Bunny Time" is when Star now gets to run and hop around with Osiris (our dog, for those who don't already know this) while I tend to the water, food, and litterbox details. All done in one fell swoop. And the well-oiled machine moves on.

Please, don't buy a Bunny just because they're cute. If you're not going to love and care for the Bunny it's going to suffer and maybe die. And if you let it free . . . you're just killing it anyway. Bunnies not from the wild rarely adapt. They can die from predators, or cars, or worse. Bunnies given to shelters rarely get adopoted either. So most are simply put to sleep.

If you can handle the task, and if I can do it you can dammit, adopting a Bunny is like saving a life. But if you can't handle it, please just get a goldfish.

Offer Your Blood

Date:09-27-2008 9:13 A
Subject:Our New Bundle of Joy
Mood: enthralled

Don't take the subject line too literally there. But it is, in a way, very true. So lately I have seemed to drop off the face of the planet. This may have confused a few of you who read this journal that hang out with me as I normally only do that with family crises and such. But not this time. This time it was because I was preparing the appartment for a new addition.

Our new baby Bunny, Star.

Yes, Amanda and I adopted a Bunny. One of her students had a bunny that needed a home, and knowing how obssessed I've been with Rabbits all my life she jumped at the chance to take this one home. So I've spent the last few weeks preparing an area for Star (full name Ostara for you pagan folks, named for the German Goddess after which Easter was named. She was born close to Easter so . . .) and reading ALOT about how to make a bunny that lives with you happy and healthy. She's a very curious Bunny. She does alot of exploring and such. Not very shy at all, as both the wife and I have built up what we call "Bunny Trust" very quickly. She will climb all over us with no fear, so we know she doesn't think of us as predators. But then, there is the Dog.

Osiris has been Very Interested in Star since she was carried in the door. He is part Beagle, and they're hunting Dogs through and through. So here's a small animal brought into his domain . . . but he never barked. Not once. He's Very Interested, but not in a "Hey I want to shake that thing till it's dead" kinda way. Which is awesome. He and the Bunny actually sniffed each other last night, but she got scared when he licked her nose. It was really cute.

Now I think for all of you that read this journal, my feelings about Bunnies are old news. I've been fascinated by them since I was a child and I first saw them in my Aunt's front yard munching on her lawn. I can't watch anything that even talks about dead Rabbits (that one scene in Two Towers where Sam and Gollum argue about the best way to cook them almost sent me from the theater honestly) and anyone I see using a "Lucky Rabbit's Foot" enters my shit list pretty high up on principle. But this . . . this is a whole new ballgame. This Bunny is so unbearably adorable it should be illeagal. We spent hours last night just watching her hop around the little pen I made for her as she got her scent on things and explored her area. We let her go in and out as she wanted so long as we were in the room to watch her and she spent some time with each of us in turn. First night! Nothing shy about Star.

But may I say for the record: Bunnies shit. Alot. I mean, she all but carpeted her whole area with shit last night. Granted, she had to be a bit nervous in a strange place like that and all, but wow. Anyhow I hope to be able to post pictures before monday or so. Believe me, even just seeing a photo of this Rabbit will steal your heart. :)

Offer Your Blood

Date:07-28-2008 9:47 A
Subject:Beam me up.

You know . . . I just don't like Sci-fi. I realized that apart from Star Wars I have never like Sci-fi. I watch Star Trek occasionally, but I space out when they go into what I call scientific mumbo-jumbo of the week. "If we reverse the polarity of the particle beam and then retroactively apply it to the deflector array . . ." By that point I'm out cold. This goes for Stargate, Babylon 5, Battlestar Galactica, Transformers, etc.

I just simply could not care less.

So why is it that everyone feels it necessary to try to convince me to watch it? And they all say the same thing. "It's a great show. You'll love it." Oh? Will I? And you know this how? Because I, who have been privvy to every thought to ever travel through my skull, and fairly certain that I would not love the show. I'm positive that no matter how "Good" the show is, it would bore me stiff. If I'm going to get into a show I want it to be something I truly enjoy, something I can follow easily. That movie Hackers? Utter rot. Sure Angelina was hot. Sure it had good actors. But I loathe movies about computers, so I happen to dislike that movie. I tell you this: you show me a sci-fi movie that you absolutley love, one that changed your life, and I will promptly fall asleep during it. That's just the way it works.

I don't know what it is about Star Wars that makes me love it so much. The Lightsabers? The Force? The fact that though it is technically "Sci-Fi" it's more a typical epic fantasy? Maybe. But as it stands, that's the only movie with Lazers you're ever likely to see me watch and enjoy.

Just thought you Sci-Fi geeks I know should finally see this in print, so maybe you would STOP TRYING TO GET ME TO WATCH THAT CRAP!

2 Offerings | Offer Your Blood

Date:07-25-2008 11:53 P
Mood: aggravated

I know what you're thinking. I do. TWO entries in so short a time?

Well, yes, dammit. Now stop gawking and I'll continue.

You know . . . lately I have come to dislike humanity more than I already did. I know some of you have come to think about me as being a kinder, gentler J for the past few years. Well I'm not. I'm still and angry bastich and I need to let it out from time to time. So here we go. If you don't like ranting, raving, cursing or whatnot now's the time to websurf for a few pictures of bunnies or kittens or something.

I fucking HATE people. I do. Lots of them. For instance, all you mother fuckers out there that cannot understand when someone does not share in your cult following of fucking COFFEE! Fuck's sake! NO, I DON'T DRINK COFFE! I never have, and I never will. You know, it's the oddest thing, but I have this policy about getting addicted to substances I have to pay to get on a constant basis. I don't do it? See, wasn't that easy? I don't smoke. I don't drink. I don't do drugs. AND I DON'T FUCKING A-WELL DRINK FUCKING COFFEE. This does not make me a leper, and I am pissed off at being treated like one for not being addicted to this swill you people think you need to exist. When I wake up, I'm fucking awake. I don't need an IV of caffine to make myself believe I am "more" awake. Hey, if my eyes are open it means that I lived through another night and I'm doing just fine. Dunkin Donuts, McDonalds, Starbucks, and Juan Valdez can kiss my hairy Italian ass before they get a red cent out of me for something they brainwashed the rest of you into not living without. Good to the last drop? UGH!

I also hate people that drive SUVs and have the nerve, the utter GALL to bitch about gas prices. You know something? It's because all you assholes bought these gas guzzlers a few years back that get less miles to the gallon than a leaky tractor that the Powers That Be are making so much money off this deal to begin with. They KNOW they have your stupid ass by the short-and-curlies because you have to pay to drive. So get in your oversized tank and pay up, chump! . . . and now that I think about it, you know, this all seems to good a set-up to be coincidence. All at once, SUVs were the "in" thing. Everyone just HAD to have one. And then suddenly, without warning, BOOM! Gas prices shoot through the roof. Now all you morons can't give your stupid ugly trucks away and get such horrible mileage that you end up paying hundreds of dollars a week just to get back and forth to work! Not to mention anywhere else you might need to go. You know, to get all that shitty food you eat that's now also expensive. Not to mention all that COFFEE . . .

People who treat you differently if you don't share their goddamn religion. There's another one I can't fucking stand. And this isn't just the jesus freaks, either. I've seen a few from all over. But the afforementioned zealots have been the worst. You know what? I've come to the conclusion that beautiful people don't need religion because they already have a life. You ever notice that the beautiful people never seem to be very religious? Sure, every group has their couch-jumping over eager types and this one is no different. But by and large they don't tend to be religious. Now ugly people on the other hand are almost ALWAYS hyper-religious. Why is this? Maybe that passage in the bible really said ". . . blessed are the Freaks, for they shall inherit the Earth."

And finally, I loathe people who carry a joke too damn far. Alright, people, let me be the first to tell you that jokes are like dairy products: they have a definate shelf life. After a certain period of time they become not only decidedly stale, but downright annoying. And after that? Aggrivating. Like the matron on my bus. Every day for the past almost month and a half she has pointed out that this one building we pass some 4 times a day is where she goes for physical therapy. Every time we pass it. Every goddamn day. And she laughs every time, as though it's the first time she said it. Listen, 40-someodd days is too damn long, OK? Find a new joke or just drop this one. You beat the dead horse for so long that even the maggots on it are dead now. Enough is enough. I know people that carry jokes for years. LONG after everyone involved has moved on from them . . . and sometimes, these people have forgotten the jokes so entirely that the punchline must be explined to them before they can properly groan and roll their eyes. Not only is a joke such as that dead, but you just had to dig it up to beat it with a stick. Please, get some new material will ya? You're killing me.

I think that about covers it for now. I'll get back to you in a few days when something else manages to totally enrage me.

Offer Your Blood

Date:07-15-2008 9:39 A
Subject:The Genuine Article

This post inspired by the guys at Tim's last night that thought it was funny to get me riled up about Nicholson.

Honestly, alot of people aren't fans of Batman or the Joker. Some outright hate them. I am not one of those. In fact, they are my two favorite comic book characters of all time. But even then, even if not for that, I would applaud this movie. Because hopefully, director Christopher Nolan and Heath Ledger will succeed in erasing my least favorite sentence from human language.

"Jack Nicholson was the best Joker!"

The Joker is not meant to be funny. Especially with the clown reference in his appearance. That's the irony of his character. The Joker is meant to be scary. Terrifying, really. That's the whole point. To say that Jack got the whole comedic aspect of the Joker spot on and that's what made him great is where most people fall short of their own point.HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY! The fact is, most of his jokes are bad, or tasteless, or just plain mean. He is, in fact, insane. But his power lies in the fact that he is a true sociopath. He has nothing but Id, he exists soley to pursue his own wants and needs. And what the Joker really needs is to prove himself . . . to Batman. And this is because to him there really is no one else. He and Batman are two sides of the same coin. Everyone else is backgroud; extras in the film of their existance.

Now don't get me wrong. I adore Nicholson. But the script he was given was written by someone who had no idea who these characters were. It was directed by someone that admitted right out he never EVER read the comics. And that is a recipe for disaster. That Joker was no more the real deal any more than Micheal Gambon is a better Dumbledore than Richard Harris was. See my point? Nicholson did a great job with what he was given, but that was at best sub par. I mean, not only did they humanize the Joker by giving him a name but they RATIONALIZED his killing by making him a criminal beforehand! That defeats the purpose! How much could it possibly take to drive a gangster to kill people? Did he really need an acid bath to go that far? Bullshit! He shot people in cold blood with ease even before taking the dive. Pointless.

Love 'em or hate 'em all you want. Everyone is more than welcome to their own opinions. But until Bale we never had a true Batman worth watching. And if I am correct, the same goes for Heath Ledger. But I know one thing for sure: Jack's Joker couldn't hold a candle to this new one.

Long live the Joker.

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Date:05-15-2008 12:26 P
Subject:Never saw this coming, did you?

Your results:
You are Emperor Palpatine
Emperor Palpatine
Darth Vader
Lando Calrissian
Han Solo
Luke Skywalker
Qui-Gon Jinn
Jar Jar Binks
Jabba the Hutt
Anakin Skywalker
Mace Windu
You may be successful,
but you are as ugly
as you are evil.

(This list displays the top 10 results out of a possible 21 characters)

Click here to take the Star Wars Personality Test

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Date:03-13-2008 11:40 A
Subject:Of Invitations and Special Days
Mood: mischievous

So I hear the invitations have gone out for your "Big Day." Congratulations to you, as I do wish you the best. I am somewhat sad I was not invited. I mean, we did have such a history, you and I, did we not? I feel slighted, somehow. It is within my power to know when, and where, this is. I could just . . . well, you know. I do so adore being kept in the loop. Don't you? It has ever been my biggest advantage. And you know what? I never had to stalk even a single person to get my information. Never had to follow their cars, never had to drive around their house. Never sent a relative into anyone's job with a fake ass story to try to get some shred of news. Never have I pulled up next to anyone in my car and snapped surreptitious photos of them and drove off. Not once, ever. But far be it from me to undermine your methods, despite how often you get caught. (Or chased.)

There are some things I wonder. Like, for instance, will your other personality be there? Can you have this ceremony outdoors, as I have been told by you personally that sunlight causes you to smoke and burn? (quite common for your kind though.) Will Charlie attend? Wait, that's right. That figment was disproved by my good friend Action Hank some years ago. My mistake. I wholly appologize. How about your would-be rapist? Seen him lately? You know, the one Charlie rescued you from? But wait, if Charlie isn't real . . . nah, too much to go into. How about the 7 kids you were supposed to have with my other good friend Ferenczy in the future? Will they be invited? Somehow I doubt that. Even though we've both spoken to one of your "daughters" when she time travelled into your body. (Laugh it up folks - this shit's too strange to make up.) They're not coming either you say? Hmm. Interesting. How about your ex, the one you claimed sent you a box of bees in the mail? I wonder.

For all the harm you have caused me and mine in the past . . . for all the lies, half-truths, and outright slander against them . . . for all your HATE . . . for all your stalking, following, watching, and trespassing. For all of that I should go out of my way just once and avenge myself against you. Just once. With a word, you know, that day could look like Barrow, Alaska on the first day of Night. Me and mine, head to toe in deepest black, wading into the crowd pale and grinning like wolves. How many could I gather for such a thing, you ask? Well, I never counted really. But honestly . . .

. . . how many enemies could you have made, after all?

I hope the cake is good. One of these things without a good cake is just not worth attending.

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Date:01-28-2008 10:41 A
Subject:The Good ol' Days and The Warrior
Mood: aggravated

"You know, back in my day . . ."

Fuck you, pal. And Your Day. Whenever in the jurassic period that day was, anyway. You know what? These days aren't so different. The thing is that you're so biased against the bad times of recent years that you remember "The good ol' days" as sunshine and flowers and little blue folks who lived in mushrooms singing and prancing through the years. I'm here to remind you that bad shit was always around. My generation didn't ruin the world any more than your generation built it. The problem here is that WAY too many people live in the past as opposed to the present. It's a goddamn epidemic lately.

And what's worse? People stuck in their "Glory Years" who think they're still hot shit some years after their 15 minutes of fame were long over. Take, for instance, the "Ultimate Warrior." Thanks to the tip I got from my good friend The Squirrel, I headed to his page yesterday to take a look at the Warrior's ramblings. Wow. Here's a guy who wasn't really popular in his greatest moment (wrestling is bigger now than ever, and so wrestlers have more international exposure than they did back in the 90's) who seems to think that not only is he some sort of celebrity . . . but that he's still feuding with Hulk Hogan. Now, this makes me laugh for a number of reasons. Firstly, as well written as his page is it's impossible to forget how incoherent he was at his best during the wrestling promos. Take this gem, my personal favorite pre-wresltmania 6 or so: "Hulk Hogan, we shall take pain to where it has never shall been!" What in the hell is that supposed to mean? Is that translated directly from Latin or something? And for this someone should be popular? Secondly, he goes on and on about how manly he is, and how much of an inspiration he should be for others. Dude . . . you are no one! You WERE (note the past tense) a WRESTLER for pete's sake! This does not make you Adonis or a nobel prize contender. This world will not hold it's breath for your comments on the state of the government, people who pretend to be you (why Gods would they bother?), or Heath Ledger's death. Which by the way your comments on that were so unabashedly negative and hateful that you should be honestly ashamed to type them out and think for a moment that ANY right-thinking human being would read it and agree with you.

Now, I know I am no Icon of any sort. I am not The MAN, I am not someone to look up to in any way shape or form. I do not put these words in my journal out here for my "legions of fans" to read and drool over my pearls of wisdom. I am simply one man tired of other people's nastiness, idiocy, bigotry, and hatred spilling over into the lives of others. What I am is disgusted that someone could judge someone he has NEVER MET outright, say that he's glad the man is dead so that the negative influence (again, of a man he NEVER MET) is gone from the man's child. The only negative influence I saw on that page my friend was YOU. Especially since you took yet another shot at Hulk Hogan right after that . . . basically insinuating that Hogan should end his life to benefit his own kinds. Wow. Just wow. The amount of sheer nastiness you're capable of putting into one entry of your stupid ramblings not only humbles my own capability for bile, but I'm sure somewhere in Hell Hitler hugged himself in glee when you put those words to page.

So here is the moral of the day, Dear Reader, straight from His Dark Majesty himself: Live for the moment, not for the past, and above all else . . . get over yourself.

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Date:01-24-2008 12:22 P

Now, I must admit that I was never a huge Heath Ledger fan. I was looking forward to him as the Joker and seeing the Trailer really increased that. I think he was a good actor, and managed to add something to every role he played. But what I am about to follow this with in no way has ANYTHING to do with him portraying perhaps my favorite comic book character of all time. This is not out of bias for Heath Ledger one way or the other. It is, in fact, in bias AGAINST organized religion.

To the shitty Baptist website/church that plans to picket Heath Ledger's funeral for his portayal of a gay man in Brokeback Mountain: GET A FUCKING LIFE!

First off: your scummy religion is supposed to be based on love and brotherhood. Well, if they happen to be a white, heterosexual, well-to-do american anyways. Otherwise if you happen to be black, hispanic, muslim, jewish, or gay you seem to want them to burn in Hell. Well listen up you hatemongers: The only reason there is HATE in this world is because of people like you. I don't care what your ancient, outdated book says. There is nothing wrong with anyone being who and what they are. Stop hiding your bigotry behind a book and let everyone know you're just a damn racist. I don't care what passages you quote to me. I don't care what snazzy bumper stickers you have. I don't care if you personally have a line to the ol' J.C. himself and he says "Queers am BAD!" What I do care about is that you religious assholes foster more hatred than any other group ever. And I include the Nazis in that too. You hide behind the bible and wave it around like it was the ULTIMATE TRUTH FOR ALL THINGS. It isn't. Moreover, theose catchy little quotes you seem so happy with are usually mistranslated from the original texts. Unless you're quoting to me from the original Aramaic I don't give a shit what your King James bible says. In fact, I don't care even if you ARE quoting the original! I DON'T FOLLOW YOUR RELIGION! Keep this shit to yourself.

But hatred alone isn't enough this time, is it? Nooooo. For yet more publicity, you're going to picket the funeral of someone who doesn't even fall into your little hate box. He's not an actual Homosexual, he just played on in a MOVIE! And still you're going to do something morally and ethically hideous to make your highly bigotted point. Even if he was gay it would be just as, if not even more so, wrong. But my point here is this: you think only certain people deserve a funeral? You think that you, not God but YOU, have the right to decide who gets services for their final rest? Who the fuck do you think you are? You honestly believe that what you are doing is ordained by God and he condones your actions? You think that any God based in Love and Brotherhood would ask you to condemn all others not like yourself you arrogant self-centered gnats? You know what? You find your quotes. I bet you that for every one you find that you think condemns others I can find you TWO that contradict your stand. But then, that wouldn't matter, would it? That would not fit into what you WANT to believe as opposed to what you COULD believe.

You COULD believe that all mankind deserves to be judged for who they are as individuals. That all mankind has the capacity to be good as people as well as (insert race, religion, gender, sexual orientation here). You could believe in Love being stronger than Hate, and choose the former over the latter when making decisions. You could believe that all roads lead to God, and so long as a person is doing all they can in life and leading a decent day-to-day existence that they will find their eternal reward.

But that's too much for you isn't it? It's too difficult to take the high road no matter how holier-than-thou you claim to be. I know I am full of rage, but I admit it. I know by most standards and practises I am a Heathen, and I admit that too. But I know, today moreso than any other day I have ever lived through, that I am a purer soul than some out there.

Rest in Peace, Heath. In my own way I pray that your rest is not troubled by nonsense such as this.

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Date:10-31-2007 11:31 A
Subject:Halloween again . . .
Mood: loved

. . . and so I wish a Happy Anniversary to my lovely wife of three years. I love you, Amanda. Thank you for putting up with my shit all year and not killing me in my sleep. :)

To everyone else: HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Now get out there and scare someone.

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Date:10-04-2007 8:37 P
Subject:And Many More!
Mood: cheerful

Happy Birthday to Sarah!

. . . .

You didn't think I'd forget, did you? :)

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Date:07-02-2007 10:41 A
Subject:Shock and Surprise . . . .

LiveJournal Username
The name of your zombie infested home town.
Your zombie killing weapon of choice.
How much do zombies scare you?
Oh noes!!11 A zombie! What do you do?
Blasting zombies left and right with a freaking twelve guage. What do you think?emperium
Curled into a fetal position crying their eyes out.tbone023
Is pwning some zombies with Don't Stop Me Now playing in the background.tonydwolfe
Is sitting at home watching CNN and eating ice cream.girl_undone
Get ripped to pieces by the zombies. Bummer.book_slut
Is the zombie king who you must destroy to end the zombie menace.jferenczy
Number of zombies you decapitate.891
Chances you survive the zombie swarm.
This Fun Quiz created by Rob at BlogQuiz.Net
Sagittarius Horoscope at DailyHoroscopes.Biz

Go figure. Dave? The Zombie leader? Never . . .

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Date:06-26-2007 4:02 A
Subject:The Shadows Within
Mood: pensive

It has been a long time since I have posted here. Many, many things have happened in my life since my last effort on this page. But recent events in the world have affected me greatly, and once again turned my thoughts to one of the "Great Debates."

Evil . . . and it's true nature. The ties that bind it to the human soul. An old pulp comic hero once mused: Who knows what Evil lurks in the hearts of men? To which I answer tonight "Who Indeed?" What could make a person who seems so full of life to those around them return to their home and take the lives of the family they have loved for long years and then end their own? What can turn a person into a monster seemingly overnight? This thought has haunted me, though I never knew them personally. (I will not name said person here, you'll either hear it on the news or not) It has kept me up long hours wondering what could drive someone to this. Wondering what hell some people can endure without it showing through to the people around them.

Now I use the term "Evil" though some of you might not agree with it. It seems a strong word for this even to me. But I do believe now that it must be Evil that drives otherwise sane beings to do such heinous deeds. Crime of Passion? I don't know what that means, really. I don't know if that covers this . . . or anything at all. But whether or not you agree with my classification of the act or not, you must agree that it is a hideous thing to even consider. Much less to follow through with. But when I say that word, know also that I do not believe in "The Devil" or blame him for the crimes of men. I have always believed in free will, and that no God nor Devil predetermines our path. Our deeds are ours alone to live with . . . or not.

So here I sit, in the wee hours of the night, wondering where in the human genome lay the seeds of Evil. Where in us is the switch that could drive us to blood and death? What events could flip that switch? Is it different for each person? Are we all capable of such Black Acts? Is it a force we cannot comprehend? Or is it simply a choice, Free Will taken to it's darkest extreme?

Keep safe, Dear Readers. It's a jungle out there.

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Date:09-25-2006 10:05 A
Subject:Enough is enough.
Mood: determined

Yes, shit is happening in my life. No, I am not going to hang myself or walk off into the sunset like Bill Bixby from the end of the old Incredible Hulk TV show. Please don't panic and start phoning me to make sure I have not done either of these things. I assure you I have not. I am in this to the end no matter where that end might be. I am just tired of keeping quiet about this stuff. So here it is, this is how I feel.

I feel lonely. I have had nightmares about it. It's been like slipping into my past again and I fought it tooth and nail. I remembered that old line I now hate so much from Necroscope, about "Loneliness is a drug . . ." yadda yadda. Bullshit. Loneliness is a curse. Some of us are just too damn sorry for ourselves to do anything about it and so use said line to feel better about our situation. Well I am done feeling sorry for myself. Shit happens, people. I Ching . . . you gotta roll with it. I am me, and for the first time in my life I have begun to like that person. It's been a long hard road. And now that I'm here I won't be ignored, denied, brushed off, overlooked, or looked down upon by any human being on this planet.

So there's my mission statement. If you don't like it: tough shit. If you do, I'm glad to have the help along the way. But anyone that stands in my way will be ridden down.

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Date:09-11-2006 9:05 A
Subject:The Second Gospel of Jay
Mood: aggravated

Alright Dear Readers, I have officially become sick of the zealots abound in our government. In fact . . . let's extend that to ALL zealots in any government. Religion no longer has a place in the ruling body in the modern world. Most of it is superstitious nonsense in any case, and ALL of it is outdated. Not to mention oft mistranslated. So here's just a few thoughts I'd like to put out there:

Gay Marriage - This should be a no-brainer folks. It says it in the constitution: Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness. Happiness is an abstract concept, sure. But I think being married to the person you are in love with counts, don't you? So stop making exceptions! God has nothing to do with this! What, you think he's up there ranting and raving because two men or two women got together? If you believe that God made us all . . . then did he not make people capable of falling in love with whomever they do? So where's your problem?

Abortion - I have but two words for this one, and I think they sum it up: FREE WILL. Whether or not YOU believe it is right, the very tenent of FREE WILL means that people get to make their own choices no matter what you think. Get over yourself. And to those of you that kill doctors to prevent abortion are nothing but hypocrites.

God Bless America - Why? What has he done for us lately? And does this mean you don't want him to bless, say, England? Or Italy? Or Pango Pango? Personally, I think we've done very well without Him. I also think that whenever He (Referring to the Roman Catholic God in this one) is brought into any situation it goes all wrong. And quickly. I need not point out specific events in history. You all know them.

The Pope - He's just a man. Like you, like me, like your manager at work. He eats, sleeps, shits, and dreams like a man. He's no different. And in the end, like all that have passed before him in this position, he will die. Pharohs, Emperors, King, and Queens . . . none escape the Reaper. "Valar Morghulis" as they say in the Song of Ice and Fire, "All men must die."

Anything I've forgotten?

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